Wednesday, March 28, 2007

28th march - post of the months!

Been ages since i've last posted. months ago perhaps? well, why initiate blogging again after my hiatus? simply to put, i'm sick, and ''bored'', though not aimless as such. infact, i find myself being overrun by the tides of work and pressure by the school, peers, elders, communities and myself as well. taking time to splatter my inner thoughts across the web might probably not be a good idea especially so when i'm troubled, it's pretty much the equalviant of splattering your innards across a wall, and that's quite vulnerable by my standards.

so why do i still do that? Hm. Good question. but humans are naturally irrational beings. or rationally irrational as an economist would like to put it. maximum satisfaction is always relative i figured.

so anyway, school's been pretty good i must say. the first o.65 second which counted so much for first impressions had really just been withdrawel from the abrupt start of school though i would think it was more of the stoppage of the holidays.

good school, good teachers, nice old friends and a decent friendly class. blessed, what more could i ask for? well for one thing, not needing to catch up 3 mths of work for BCME + GP/PW/CL wld help a lot. that's a bad BADD thing for me, cuz i'm stressed, and i'm not doing anything about it, except having withdrawel which just makes it even worse.

infact, i'd taken sick ''leave'' from school for three days now and without an MC too. some leadership camp apparently. probably wld have been fun really, but i rather take care of my health then camping @ pula ubin for 3 days. it gets less attractive when you have the ''been there done that'' feeling too. but fact is, it's fun! the only crappy camp i never enjoyed was the sec 3 alpha camp. that was utter crap. we were camping at chinese gardens that looked like some abandoned construction site. now that's hip.

so what have i been doing these three days? reading a book actually, when i have like... STACKS, literally STACKS of lecture notes [and more coming up] to read through. nuts. oh, and i've been playing battle for middle earth 2! some LOTR game which no one ever plays. i wonder why i bother. gahh!

but hey... God's been good to me really, or as some would put it, life's been good! but who created life anyway. which reminds me, i'd been very wrong about SYFC now that i reflect back to all that it has done to me... fantastic training really. my opinion has swayed so much that i'd recommend all christians to go for it really! but oh well...

oh stress, the stress. funny thing is, i don't feel it, which just means i'm dislusional. yet i'm fully aware that i am, which is kinda strange cuz i'm not sure whether that cld happen anyway? but ya, point is, it's a very bad BADD sign. i'm gonna pay for it later... and it'd be in the VERY near future. darn it!!

so what's stressing me out besides work?

well, despite all the nice friends and teachers i have, i find myself pretttttyyy lonely these days. like i've literally lost touched with nearly everyone. like, in the whole wide world. i just visited some ex-classmate's blog to find out how out of touch i've been. so i'm out with my school friends, so that leaves churchmates. but all i've been doing is talking to some of the adults there and hoping so very MUCH that SOMETHING would just kick in and start a revival. but that's just not gonna happen, cuz it always starts with yourself. great, so that adds to the burden as such. and the best thing is that i'm pretty screwed up these days so it doesn't help much either.

troubled rather. extremely so. over so many things!! and it's not some korean drama ''oh i'm so emo'' self made trouble but IMPT things! who to tell? who'd understand? who'd i'd be willing to tell? who can i discuss with?... not void as such. infact, there are pretty a lot of people to discuss it with, but it's just hard to introduce such hefty subjects into any conversation. it's hard! it just is! i mean, it cld just mean that i don't have the means, or skills, to do so, or that i'm basically lousy in that sense. but anywayy, cramming my head full of ideas and solutions to the challenges that beseige my stout castle of perseverance doen't help me much personally. i just get more troubled. and besides, it requires THINKING to come up with solutions to problems, and after awhile, you just don't feel like thinking anymore. and i'm getting flowery again... linguisticly i mean. i think i'd fail GP.

ahh well. in all good humor, the question to ask one's self at times of seriousness and trouble is!!!!! [[5!]] = ?? where's my cow! good question. in a way, the book does have a point to it. like don't fret and get panicky over some really serious pressing and immediate problem that might pose a threat to your life but actually stop and think for a bit. like, that there are more important things then ''insert problem here'' in life. more MEANINGFUL things as such.

well! that helps i guess. to keep you sane and purposeful. except, of course, if it really DOES poise a immediate threat to my life, i'd probably not ask where's my cow cuz that'd probably be my cow. what more meaningful thing is there in life than life itself? well, there's only one thing actually, but i rather not people accuse me of being sacrilegious lest i say it out.

oh well... 2:05 am in the morning of my dad's bday! 28th march that is. all presents are welcomed.

don't feel tired though... just really really hungry. must be the coffee. sleepless nights! insomia! fatigue!.. battle for middle earth 2!



and i'd just got a new computer with a

*1GB DDR2
250 GB 3G SATA hard drivk
nVida GeForce 7300LE graphics card

too! hurray!

Word of the Day; 1:27 AM