Tuesday, July 10, 2007


I never knew how to say it out...
I didn't even know how it started.

But all I know is that behind the business of life, studies, God and people, and after trying so long to shake you off and remember you as nothing but a friend, I realise that I've failed, and I cannot get rid of this feeling.
But blessed am I to have known you. For you have been a paradigm of examplary Godliness to me and a true inspiration, as well as a close friend and a great encouragement. Perhaps that's what I cannot let go of, and perhaps that's because its what I fell in love with in the first place..

But I know that you regard me only as a friend, and that it won't ever work out because I consider you a great deal more - so much so that compatibility becomes unattainable. And according to my social science graduate sister, she says that people have social meters indicating their status quo. So people with similar social indexes will band together thus forming their own little cliques. On account that I percieve myself as a 4.5 or 5(/10), attaining a 7.5 would be a feat indeed. Even then, there are many seven pluses around and a ME or a EE would still not matter much, because ultimately, it's your choice that holds all the weight.

But perhaps at the end of the day, I'd realise that I don't really want to know the answer anyway. Afterall, it might not do any good or bad and leave me voided of emotions. But dispite that, why is it that I still find myself at times striving for the unattainable? Maybe that's what they meant by 'love is blind', although I'd say love is selectively blind and oblivious to the other things around it. Except for AGAPE of course.

And although you'll probably never get to see this nor have the chance to find out, here I am wasting my time composing this insipid and cliché oeuvre that covers a pitiable period of 3 (yet seemingly long) years of my life that can be summarised in 4 paragraphs. And as much as I yearn for the contrary chance situation to happen, I know that you musn't know simply because I fear for the worse, because I fear that you'd be encumbered, and that being a very plausible thing, is really the last thing I want or need.

But still I continue to hope -- and can only continue to hope -- that one day you might stumble across the writings of a old friend finding for that particular acceptance.


How did this happen??

blogging - revised emotional diarrhea
-*improvement attempts at GP while emo-ing- =)

Word of the Day; 11:40 PM