Wednesday, April 01, 2009

How people are. How I am. I will try to make sense of it.

A few days ago, I was over with myself in misery and a sense of hollowness. Or like what Andrew said, ''like waking up isn't better'', which means dying is. I think this happens when we lose our reason for living. For example, chionging A levels followed by a 5 month hiatus creates a void because we no longer have got to chiong studies and the initial euphoria quickly trickles away to mindless boredom. Some try searching for life's purpose, to reenact lost experiences, to reconstruct past emotions - mostly in vain. Some search for new types of euphoria, from new frontiers, exploring the unfamiliar to the trite banality of self entertainment and exaggerating one's dull life. And some others resign themselves to the lackluster of life and waste away. Truthfully, I've been through all of that but to what avail?

But as I looked through the lives of my friends and how they contrast so sharply to one another, I find that the answer to my problem lies infront of me. To live a life of purpose, one must not live for the world, nor for oneself, nor for the sake of living, but to live for Christ. How could I have been so blind not to realise sooner! Though I knew that I ought to return to God and my mind told me that it was the logical step to take to resolve my problems, I knew it only as head knowledge. But never did I act on it nor thought it as of utmost important. But seeing Eehan's life, a testimony of God's goodness and faithfulness had shown me a truth. That a purpose driven life can only be established through Christ*.

''For to live is Christ, to die is gain.'' Argh! This just shows the extent in which I've been dumbed down by the world. Though I do not know how people might be contented with living a Godless life, I suspect that its because they have not tasted the goodness of God yet. But I have and found that I cannot live a Godless life no more than a man could live without air. And I give thanks that it was late rather than never that I finally snapped out of it.

*This is not narrow-mindedness but absolute truth that welcomes scrutiny cus its irrefutable. (that's why its called absolute truth)

Word of the Day; 1:06 AM