Saturday, May 09, 2009

It's 215 in the morning and here i am blogging. well army does stuff to you, one of which is that you become stupider, and another that you become irrational in the sense that you don't want to waste your bookout time sleeping although your freaking tired and there's nothing else better for you to do.

But can you blame me? 2 book outs in 4 weeks. Field camp was mentally shag really. SOC a super fun playground, PT just a daily thing, bookout a moment of real rhapsody. I think army has really made me seriously tough. Not that I've undergone drastic changes or anything, but just being in a constantly armish situation really brings out the best and worst in you, especially in field camp. Although I must say that I didn't see any ''worst in me'' being brought out. Maybe i'm a natually good natured or something. But this 4 weeks of BMT has set a course for me. Not so much for who I want to be, but what I want during this 2 years, what I am capable of, and who I really am. Field camp I thought was just the tip of the iceberg, mentally tough since it rained everyday if not night and it was like living in a shithole for 6 days. the first 4 was actually fun, but the last 2 was shag cus I had some horrible heat rash of sorts. But I managed to pull through so I would think that I really do want OCS pretty much. Undoubtedly OCS is gonna be worse. 12 days field camp or something like that I heard.

But after this 4th week, I somehow feel more tough, like I've been there, done that. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. ok i sound like I'm ranting but I've actually got a point that I can't exactly express in words. the degrading effects of army... but to sum it all up, I've probably grown in character. yes its vague and incomprehensible, but blame it on ns. I just hope my brain doesn't rot and start dribbling out the side of my head through my ear by the end of the 2 years. gosh.

Sleeping out in the open, be in under a basha or in the open (or in a hole that you dug in the ground) with rain drops falling on your head is really quite interesting. Cus you either get damn miserable, or you just don't mind and get on with life, cus hey, that's what you've gotta go though and you might as well make the most out of it. I think it's important to be positive in life and help others that are shagged out and mentally broken, cus field camp really required you to have mental endurance of steel, and just carry on in life. THAT, I feel, I now comprehend better after army. The idea of making the most out of life, and doing your best in all situations, be it shag or whatnot. Previously it was merely head knowledge to me, but now, I think I understand that it actually requires something from you. And that's basically living it out. In singapore though, I don't think we really get the chance to live it out and we all just revert to our old childish wishy washy temporal selves, complaining about our hardships and bla. Well many things are reletive. Bunk was crap compared to civi, but heaven compared to field camp. But I've learnt from day one not to compare situations with situations and just treat whatever environment your thrown into as a window of opportunity, a chance to learn or try out something new.

Gosh if I had the chance to relive my life with this mentality, I'm sure it'd turned out better, but hey like I said, live life to the fullest. Its never too late, never too hopeless. The story that Sir shared with us made me really respect him. The hardships that he's went through and pulling out of it all successful, victorious. Again, all about your mindset. That is one officer I will salute with honor.

Well i think i've really crapped a lot already so I shall stop here. Hardship is a shitty experience that really builds character. We should have more of that progressively imo. Well its late so toodles to the people who visit my cyber cobwebbed blog! (:

Word of the Day; 2:16 AM