Sunday, November 01, 2009

Oh no. Ok so I finally didn't make it for GH7, which kinda sucks. Am i disappointed? extremely really. But one thing i did well is that i gave it my best, so i don't regret. Or at least that's what I thought the first few days after my failure. Cus as the days pass and as reality starts to sink in, or rather when the stress of being in AGC and with mr chan starts to fade, deep inside I realise that I still do want to fly. That I really do want to make it. Yea I know I didn't cry or anything, but I think that i'm really just trying to mask the disappointment and all. Infact, I might have done it so well that I didn't realise it initially myself. But now i'm starting to feel the ache, and I don't think flying is something that I'd forget anytime soon. Yea I know i've tried my best, and that's really what matters. But at the same time, though I live with no regrets, there's a different kinda feeling now. One that says, why aren't you good enough? Why couldn't you cope? Why couldn't you be better?! Why did you make it... and I really don't have an answer for that. Cus I guess I just ain't cut out for flying, and that feeling sucks so bad cus its proportionate to how much i want it. Disappointed at myself, and i know my friends say i haven't let them down, but I still have the feeling that I have. I mean sure, they won't say it out loud cus their my friends, and they'd probably forget it sooner or later, but I won't. Cus I know that I could have been something more, something that makes my friends and family proud, something that I could have done for them, but I didn't. And to me, that's really letting hopes drop, failing the pride and trust that people have for me.

But of course, its not just what other thinks of me, its also what I think of myself, and what I want to do. I really do want to fly, and if I was given a second chance, with the right situations and instructors, I really do believe I can make it. But it was left to fate that I got what I got, that the things that happened in AGC happened. It was God's will after all.

But despite all this disappointment and all, I know that ultimately, it is still God's perfect will that will benefit me in the end. So though I hope to be given a second chance in the future to fly again, I thank God for the opportunity at AGC, look forward to the future, and know that no matter what disappointments or hurts that one might go though, God will always be sufficient for me. I mean I know some people say that when the going gets tough, turn to religion, but trust me, this is different, it isn't a cliche, and I'm not in denial.

I'm just trying to be a better person.

''The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful.'' - Einstein

Word of the Day; 1:51 PM